Wednesday talks with Nesrin Balkan
Nakiye Boyacıgiller: From the outside, you may think Nakiye has had it all roses, but I did have bitter periods in my life. And that’s what life is; you embrace it for better or for worse. A happy childhood is the silver spoon in your mouth. It is your most important asset that you spend throughout your life.
Born in the USA to Turkey’s first petroleum engineer, Oğuz Avdan. We know her by her smiling face, swathes of colors she chooses to wear from red to purple and fuchsia and green, not to mention her wild dance figures at New Year's parties. The inaugural guest of “Wednesday Talks” is Nakiye Boyacıgiller. Today, we take a look into her personal life; her childhood, devastating losses, first love, and her outlook on life. In the next chapter, we will talk about her career after she came to Turkey to work at Sabancı University, and the international recognition enjoyed by the faculty under her leadership.
I have known you for ten years, and your colorful personality shines through the way you dress. I must admit I sometimes envy you and your choice of dress. How much of this color rubs off on your surroundings; how are you with being a dean, having a family, pursuing administrative and academic work?
Excellent question Nesrin; let me put it to you this way: I love life, I love people, and I love to smile. I believe this had a great effect on my personal life and career. Whenever they ask me about somebody, I always say “He’s a great person.” And they tell me I say that for everyone. I almost always look on the full side of the glass and the better side of people. And I always try to look on the bright side of life, which yields returns. Yes, I do dress in colors; I love neutral colors on other people but they simply don't work for me. I am borderline hyperactive and unable to sit still–that is the legacy of my late father. As an upside, I work very hard. I always try to do more, and I think this did good for the faculty. I have never contented myself with the work I did. I always think about what more can be done.
Can you talk about your childhood, your family, relations to your parents…
I was born in America. My father Oğuz Avdan was Turkey’s first petroleum engineer. He goes to America in 1937 with a Mining Survey Authority fellowship, and upon return he has compulsory service, where he works at a refinery in the town of Batman. He marries my mother and they lose their first child at birth because of blood sensitivity. When my mother was pregnant with me, my father receives a job offer from a petroleum engineering company in America, which he accepts because they fear blood sensitivity will be an issue for their second child as well. So they move to America before I was born. I was born in 1953 and was immediately taken into an incubator, and I had a complete blood transfusion just like my late brother had. The procedure had just been discovered; I think it was in 1952. That’s why I always say I’m one year younger than the technology needed to keep me alive. I had a very happy childhood in America for 11 years, and then we moved to France for my father’s job, and during the two years we lived there, we lost my mother in a terrible car accident. And that’s why I always tell people to wear seat belts. I first came to Turkey when I was 13. My Turkish then was limited to “table talks” – the conversations you have in the kitchen and such, and children’s books. I joined the Üsküdar American Academy in the 9th grade. I had a very difficult time in high school, from 1967 onwards. I had just lost my dear mother, I spoke little Turkish, the school was too difficult, I needed to adapt culturally. But my grandmother and aunt fully embraced me, and that is how my personality came to suit the Turkish way of life, family affairs and all that. Boğaziçi University, then Robert College, had a separate admission exam. If the central admission system was in place, I would never have made it there. But back then, they had a separate admission process; they wanted recommendations and checked your high school grades. I’ll never forget how, when I got a 6 in the first Turkish essay that I wrote, my teacher Perizat Hanım told the class “Turn the 6 upside down and that’s 9 for Nakiye.” She wrote me a recommendation explaining why my grades were low, and I was admitted to Robert College, which became Boğaziçi University during my time there. I was an honor student too: I graduated in third place.
This interview is taken from "Wednesday talks with Nesrin Balkan" column of GazeteSU.
You had a very busy life; how did you find the chance to socialize? How did you meet the man you were going to marry?
I met Ziya when I began Boğaziçi, and we had something going on in the summer of my first year – I was 17 then. My daughters keep kidding me because “I married the first man I loved.” Ziya and I were lucky because I guess we grew up together. From the outside we are quite different: he is just as calm and reserved as I am lively. But we live by very similar values and have wanted very similar things in life, so I was lucky. Back to education, I decided early on that I wanted an academic career. I think it was in my second year at Boğaziçi that I decided I could spend my entire life in a university.
It must have been to know what you wanted in life when you were just 18.
Deciding early on was good for me, but I was too young. Coming from America, I skipped the prep year and was the youngest student in high school, I was the youngest in Boğaziçi and in my commencement class. Then came MBA, where I was the youngest too. In fact, I had my master’s degree when I was just 21.
My intent was to pursue an academic career, but my professors encouraged me to work in the business to get to know the environment better. That is how I worked at IBM for two years, during which I had the chance to decide whether I wanted an academic career because I really enjoyed it, or because it was the only option I knew. IBM was a great company and I was very happy there, but amidst all that work you never had any time to read. One reason I wanted an academic career was because I enjoyed the company of books and people who like to read them. After two years at IBM, I was sure that my want of an academic career was genuine, so I applied to Berkeley and did my PhD there.
There is one more thing I’d like to say about my life. I lost my mother at a very early age, but I also had a very happy childhood. And I always thought that a happy childhood is the silver spoon in your mouth. It is your most important asset that you spend throughout your life. This is how I tried to make my children feel. When a child feels loved by her parents and has a happy childhood, they are galvanized against whatever life may throw at them.I lost my brother very early too, at the age of 26. I had two great tragedies in life. So I tell my students From the outside, you may think Nakiye has had it all roses with a happy marriage, good career, living and working abroad… But I did have bitter periods in my life. And that’s what life is; you embrace it for better or for worse.
We must accept life for what it is and keep going whether good or bad.
Exactly. Which brings me to a life lesson: Life is capable of dealing us the most severe of blows, so we should look out for the people around us and never do anyone any harm.
This interview is taken from "Wednesday talks with Nesrin Balkan" column of GazeteSU.
I couldn’t agree more. How long have you been married?
We married in 1975, so it will be 38 years this summer. Right now, we’ve been married for 37 and a half years! We did run into difficult patches during all these years; but we were lucky because we loved each other and agreed on fundamental values. Young people today are too quick to throw in the towel. It is natural that you run into problems with your family or loved ones every now and then; you need to talk about them to resolve them. You can’t simply walk to the nearest exit. Having said that, you should also know when to walk out after you’ve done all you can. And that’s my advice on marriage.
Do you have anything at home that you couldn’t leave behind?
Having lost my mother at a very early age, her memory is precious to me, and that includes photos of her. Yes, there are CD’s that can hold them all, and I can be too traditional in this, but photos are important to me. I also keep my childhood books. Before my children were born, I gathered all the books I had read as a child. I remember this one; a large book of Indian tales. My mother had bought it from somewhere. I found it the other day, the other day being years ago, and I was extremely happy. I used to cherish that book and I still love it. So it’s my childhood books and photos, and a few pieces of my mother’s jewelry that couldn’t leave behind. There are a couple of paintings that my mother had bought in Paris, paintings by Avni Arbaş and Nuri İyem; those are also very precious.
How is your relationship with your daughters Belkıs and Esen? How would they describe their mother?
I have a great relationship with my daughters. I had always wanted to be a mother, I guess because I had lost my own mother. I always believed that I could have both a career and children; I never thought I would have to choose between them. And I always tell young women that they can have both.I think my daughters know me very well. We like spending time together and have a very good relationship. It is a mother-daughter relationship first and foremost, but we also enjoy each other’s friendship. Of course, they have their own friends and we’re not always together. They were both born and raised in America, but want to live here. They are working for their master’s degrees now. They both want to settle here, though you never know.As a mother, I think I have raised two good human beings, and that is what matters to me. They love and respect the people around them, and this is what everyone else says about them too, which makes me happy. I am proud of my daughters.
So you are friends, maybe close friends with your daughters.
We have a great relationship, and let’s hope it stays that way. I do have a piece of advice for young, working mothers: when they were in primary school, my daughters used to say “I wish you stayed home like the other moms.” But once they were teenagers, they were proud of my career and achievements. They love the fact that their mother is a dean!
to be continued...
This interview is taken from "Wednesday talks with Nesrin Balkan" column of GazeteSU.
 |
|
